Dipaksa Berakhir

Berakhir, bertemu dengan titik sepenuhnya,

saat degup jantungku berubah abnormal, melayangkan

pukulan-pukulan yang sama, yang dengan hingarnya

memecah pembuluh emosiku, ruang dadaku, kelenjar sepiku.

Lalu esoknya akan tiba dan terasa sama.

Aku berjalan sendiri.

Aku berpikir sendiri.

Aku gila sendiri.

Dan seluruh tabir senja berubah muram tidak beraturan,

meninggalkan bekas dengan sepuluh, seratus, sejuta kenangan,

hingga kesendirian, kesedihan, dan kata-kata menjadi teman setia,

memenuhi ruang kosong dan berpesta pora lalu hilang.

===================

Malang, 21 Mei 2011
Selamat jalan, Alvonliebe.
Ingatlah bahwa yang berakhir adalah kisah cinta kita,
bukan hubungan kemanusiaan kita.
I will always be your friend, your listener, and your academic rival.

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Everybody's Changing and I am Stuck on the Same Sad Songs

To which summing up of my hopes that haven't lived up on my expectations, yet.
Everybody is changing, growing to be a better version of themselves.
Everybody but I.
It sucks.
I suck like a piece of crap. I become the crap itself.
Crap to know that I will never make a person you've always wished I was.
You are broadening your thoughts and connections in order to be a good people.
To be good to people.
Yet, I'm still stuck on the same sad songs that flow constantly inside my system.
I'm comparing every single detail of you to my past.
I just wish you never change to the way they want you to be.
Because if you ever do, then I'll become just another memory.
It sucks.
I suck.

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